Curiosity vs. Fear

The main tug of war of my life right now.  That and apathy vs. engagement, which is a related see-saw if you think about it.  To be engaged is to be curious, want to know more, to be hungry to know and understand why something is so, and how it might be different.

To not be afraid, not even of the mundane, which some people are so contemptuous of.  They say that in a marriage the thing that is most draining are the small exigencies, not the large crises as you would intuitively believe.  To look at the world, at people anew, and to give them a chance, instead of precluding all the possibilities of what they can be.

In a place like New York though, it’s sometimes too easy to numb your senses for the sake of self-preservation and maintain a sense of privacy, identity.  Routine does that too, I suppose.  In the subway, out the subway.  Out to lunch, back from lunch.  A beer here maybe, coffee today, grocery-shopping and laundry.  Making the calls.

My body and mind are telling me it’s time to hit the reset/refresh button somehow.  Now to figure out the how of it.


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